PLEASE WELCOME: Bean Lombardi McCarthy - 16 oz.(426 g)!

Keeping you updated on our previous story (here and here), the wife of Green Bay Packers head coach Mike McCarthy, gave birth today to a brand new baby can of chili.

McCarthy, who was involved in a horrific chili incident following the Packers Super Bowl victory last February, informed Chili Chat today that their new daughter was in fact a healthy can of chili. Doctors report that his wife, Jessica McCarthy, had no complications during the labor, which was the first ever reported birth of a chili baby. "After the incident, doctors told me something like this may happen, but we were willing to risk it." said the Coach. Deciding not to find out the sex of the baby before hand, Mike and his wife were busy preparing their newborn's unisex nursery when Jessica's chili broke.

Coach McCarthy rushed his wife to Kleepsake Memorial Hospital, where stunned doctors helped to successfully deliver the 16oz. can of beef and bean chili. "We knew the risk was low since the chili gene is only on my side, so I'd be lying if I said I wasn't surprised. Plus is was much cleaner than I expected." McCarthy reported. Doctors were not able to remove the can with forceps, instead they had to act quickly under pressure. That was when Doctor Shoosh Mercantile ran for the kitchen and grabbed two large spoons. "This is my first delivery, I can't believe I thought of that!" Mercantile told Chili Chat. "I actually brought chili for lunch and completely lost my appetite. I ended up finishing my leftover ham salad from Sunday." said a suddenly disappointed Mercantile.

The McCarthy family plan to raise Bean as if it were a normal human baby and not a freak 16 oz. can of chili. "We couldn't be happier to welcome our new lil Bean into this world. She has a chili dad and a non-chili mother, I know this world my not be accepting of it, but we love Bean unconditionally." McCarthy proudly told Chili Chat.


We couldn't be happier for the McCarthy family. We wish them the best of luck as new parents to a beautiful can of chili.

If you would like to send a gift, please email us so we can provide contact information. They are currently in need of napkin diapers, oyster cracker rattles and sour cream rash balm.


Cheers,

Local College Student Banned from Public Park

Some things never change.

Chili Chat regrets to inform its readers that Mudd Reebok is in the news again. Mudd Reebok was having lunch with a few friends in Fuddle Park yesterday afternoon. According to local Parks & Rec representative, Gerald Cloaf, authorities were called after a woman claimed that her toddler son had burned himself on searing hot chili after going down a playground slide.

Cloaf arrived on the scene to find Reebok halfway up a tree attempting to "catch that stupid squirrell." After some 15 minutes Reebok came down from the tree and had an angry Gerald Cloaf to deal with.

"Whats this I hear about you dumping hot chili down the kiddie's slide?!" Questioned an angered Cloaf. After a half hearted attempt to dodge the question, Reebok took the blame for the spilled mess.

According to eye witness testimony Reebok and a few of his friends had visited Koogan's Restaurant and purchased several bowls of their famous 911 chili. The plan was to have a contest, who could finish their bowl first. After a few pain staking minutes of eating, Reebok excused himself to go use the restroom. He took his spicy bowl of Koogan's finest with him.

Reebok returned to his friends seated at the park picnic table and proclaimed that he had finished his bowl on the way to the bathroom, and in turn had won the contest. None of Reebok's friends claimed to have believed that he had finished the bowl.

"So you dumped the rest of your chili down the kiddie slide?" Questioned a bewildered Cloaf. Reebok agreed that he had. Three eye witnesses claimed to have seen Reebok do the deed.

There were no arrests made although Cloaf made Reebok stay and clean up the slide while everyone stood and watched.

"You don't have to just stand there and watch me!" Declared Reebok. Reebok was asked to never return to the park, and that if he was caught Police action would be taken.

Three days later Reebok Tweeted this picture of himself "planking" at Fuddle Park:

Bowl of Chili Helps Unmask Robber!

It was just another Monday morning, or so Koogan Paper thought, when he arrived at his restaurant at 6:00 am. Koogan Paper owns and works as head chef at his restaurant; Koogan's. Koogan entered his restaurant and immediately realized that someone had broken in. In fact, Koogan's had been robbed.

Koogan's has been open for business for 6 years and has become quite the local favorite, and was even featured on Food Network's Diners, Drive-ins and Dives. It wasn't long before the police, a small crowd, and the local news crews were on the scene. The place was roughed up a bit, tables turned over, the kitchen a mess, and the cash register left open, empty.

The bandits had made off with around $2,300 from the cash register and certainly left their mark using the dining area as a bathroom before taking off.

"Smells like shit in here, Paper," noted Sheriff Lee Camper as he entered the establishment. The Sheriff scanned the scene of the crime with a bandana covering his nose, taking notes.



Koogan and the Sheriff took to the managers office to console the surveillance tapes. The entire melee had been caught on tape. At 3:15 am three masked men entered Koogan's using a crowbar to break through the back door. The thieves first move was for the cash register. After filling their small bag with the money, the crooks roughed up the place a bit. One of the men disappeared off screen and came back with a bowl and a spoon, while the other men decided it was time to relieve themselves on a few tables. The man with the bowl and spoon had taken a bowl of chili that was simmering in a pot and brought it out the dining room for a taste. After 3 failed attempts of bringing the spoon through the small cut in his ski mask to his mouth, the man removed his ski mask and continued eating the bowl, unmasked. The man was immediately identified by the Sheriff.



"That's Gil Tender! I'd know that jail bird anywhere," Shouted the Sheriff.

Gil Tender was arrested outside of his motor home an hour later and quickly ratted out his two accomplices. Guy Feather and Kagle Moon were booked later that afternoon and brought into the police station for questioning. Local police were able to recover $1,600 of Koogan's money, as Kagle Moon claimed the rest was spent on a Playstation 3 and a hunting knife.

Koogan's is currently closed for repairs and cleaning, and plans to open back up next week.

Chili Chat Presents - Fantasy Chili 2011: Power Rankings

As summer begins to wind down, leaves fall from the trees and youngsters return to school, it can mean only one thing...Chili season!

I'm sure most of you have been following chili very closely this off-season eagerly awaiting the first bowl. Like millions of Americans, I’m sure you’re also getting close to your fantasy chili draft. This season posts many tough questions, like “Will chicken chili bounce back this year?” and “Do I take Firehouse or Sirloin with the first pick?”.  As always, we’re here for you.  Our chili analysts have spent a majority of their offseason crunching numbers, comparing, contrasting and debating over where each and every bowl of chili ranks this season.  Consider this your cheat sheet.

(These rankings are for 10 team standard scoring leagues.)

10. White Chili: Making the leap to the big board this year.  White chili has been an up and coming stud over the last two seasons and we think this will be its breakout year (especially with the bread bowl crowd).

9. Texas Chunk Chili:  A few spots down from last year’s ranking due to the Dallas Cowboy’s chili confetti incident, but don’t be afraid to draft Texas Chunk.  A great steal if it falls a few positions on your draft board.  Don’t underestimate the heartiness of those green peppers and onions.

8. Verde Chili: This year’s steal.  We think Verde has the potential to win you your league this year.  Most won’t see this underdog coming, so don’t listen to the naysayers telling you that you’re over bidding for this one.  Not only one of the best chilis to fill someone’s cargo pockets with, but one of the best to bring to a work party and look like a real top notch employee.  If you decide to draft Verde, make sure you handcuff your pick and draft some tortilla chips in the late rounds.

7. Sirloin Chili: Hasn’t shown much improvement since last year, but never fails to put up numbers.  A solid veteran with some fresh upside now that it’s available in a can, thanks to Campbell’s Chunky lineup.

6. Chicken Chili: Lean and mean.  Chicken chili has been risen on our board each of the last 4 seasons, with no signs of slowing.  Since the inception of the to-go container, Chicken chili has the highest take out rate of any chili on our board. Now that’s something you can hang your hat on!

5. Vegetarian Chili: This was a tough one.  Vegetarian could easily be in the 4^th spot. We’re giving the slight advantage to 3 bean because of the vegetable to bean ratio.  But don’t let that sway your decision.  Veggie will have a great year.  Given the boost in quality of artificial meat substitutes and improved spices over the past year, make Veggie a clear top 5 chili.

4. 3 Bean Chili: Many across the league would argue that 3-Bean is not a chili. I’ve even heard comparisons to Michael Jordan playing baseball.  But that’s just not fair. 3-Bean is a solid contender every season.  When the league expanded to 25 beans 2 season ago, it opened the door for 3-Bean to make a solid run at MVP.  Maybe not this year, but definitely a step in the right direction.

3. Turkey Chili: Early reports out of camp say Turkey has really trimmed down this season.  After a disappointing 2010 campaign, Turkey is ready for a strong comeback.  We’re definitely riding that bus.  Last year appeared to be a fluke and Chili Chat is not ready to write Turkey off yet. Feel free to bid as many as 50 oyster crackers on this horse.  Remember, you heard it here first!

2. Firehouse Chili: Last year’s MVP and a clear cut winner at any level.  Despite an outstanding 2010 campaign, Firehouse may have taken a step back this season with the chili filled fire hose incident in the off season.  We don’t think that will effect much of the season, but the 2 week suspension may provide opportunity for others to show their skills and knock Firehouse down a peg or two.  Rumors have it, “The House” may have added noodles this year.  More as that develops.

1. 4 Alarm Chili: We think this is finally the year for 4 Alarm to shine.  4 has been in our top 5 for the last 4 season and we think this is the year it takes that final step and proves itself as a number one chili.  If this season was as goddamned cold as last season, we think it will hands down be a 4 Alarm kinda year.  Going number one overall in almost 80% of mock drafts this year, we think the nation agrees.  Barring unforeseen food poisoning or diarrhea, we think you can ride 4 Alarm to the championship game!

Sleeper: Chorizo Chili

Dud: Horse Chili

On the bubble: Cincinnati Chili, Chili Dog, Chili Go-Gurt

Good luck this season and happy eating.

Cheers,