Yao Ming Retires...Bruised, Broken and Hungry.

Former superstar Yao Ming retired from the NBA today after a myriad of injuries cut his career short.

The 6 time all-star, will pack his bindle and take his 7'5'' frame back to China without ever eating a bowl of All-American chili in his 8 years in the United States. "Bush league." said former Houston Rockets teammate Shane Battier. "You know, if I went to China, I'd have at least one egg roll. Even though I prefer crab rangoon, I'd still have an egg roll.  That's what you eat when you’re in China. When you're in the United States, you eat chili and probably pizza. I think he just ate sweet and sour chicken every day.  I don't think I saw him go to McDonald's once the whole time he was here." a clearly passionate Battier told a reporter from the Chili Chat Network.

We too find this disturbing. After some research we discovered that the Houston Rockets hold a chili dump every year before the all-star break. This tradition dates back to their 1997 championship season, when Mario Ellie and Clyde Drexler convinced Hakeem Olajuwon to break his month long fast by eating what they called "Magic Bean Salad". Hakeem was hooked and vowed to carry on the tradition.  However, Yao managed to have a 'commitment' every time the chili dump rolled around. "I once tried to offer him a bowl of Kenny Smith's homemade chili and I even told him he could eat it with chop sticks and he still refused! Then I said it would really help him beef up so he could box out Shaq. You know what he said to me?! 'I don't eat beef soup.' He called the shit soup!" said Battier. Talk about beating a dead horse.

According to NBA sources, Yao has a "fat chance" of making the hall of fame once this story hits the press.

Cheers,