"We've Struck Gold, Brown gold!"
Chili Chat picked up a story from NASA's news-wire late this afternoon. Initial sources are reporting that Astronauts Perd Toots and Cloy Herringham have discovered what appears to be traces of chili on Mars. Early photos coming through Reuters indicate, that yes, the United States appears to have struck chili on Mars.
It all happened around 1:30 pm CST, during a routine drilling near the crater “Sercy 67”, Herringham decided to push the envelope and continue to drill after ground control halted the operation. What he initially believed to be water, turned out to be something even more valuable and delicious.
The garbled radio transcripts read as follows:
Toots: (Shouting) Shut that drill off!
Herringham: Hell no. We’re almost there. I can feel it. I feel the heat.
Toots: STOP!
Herringham: It’s full of … chili! (A shrilling scream - followed by dead air.)
- END TRANSMISSION
It was more than 2 hours before ground control was able to reconnect with the presumably dead astronauts. When connection was reestablished, ground control was informed that “We’ve struck gold, brown gold!”
"How excited are we?" said NASA spokesman Riv Torpal, "This means life can exist outside of Earth! And I LOVE chili. You bet your tookus we're excited." A clearly euphoric Torpal reassured the country that this is just the first of many steps in colonizing the red planet. “I bet those Ruskies are so jealous, they’ve been looking for goulash on Jupiter for years, damn fools!”
Astronauts, Toots and Herringham have begun their return voyage back to earth aboard, what is now being dubbed ‘The Cracker Rocket’. Each will be returning with a thermos full of what is believed to be the finest chili in the galaxy, the chili of life.
Commemorative lapel pins, lacquered plates and freeze dried astronaut chili will be available in the gift shop.
To Chili and Beyond!
Boy, what I would do for a helping of that chili of life...
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