The problem is, I assumed that no matter where we went, chili would be plentiful, like it is here in the midwest. This however was one of the biggest mistakes I've ever made.
First off, we headed to Utah to do some skiing. I knew that Utah was a pretty conservative state based on the religious influence, but I didn't know how bad it really would prove to be. Outside of the obvious things we all know to be banned in Utah (alcohol advertisements, online poker, trick or treating, birthdays, rap music, and scrabble) I was completely taken aback when I found out that "everything spicy" was banned. We only spent a few days here, so I really didn't have too much trouble not eating chili for that trips duration.
The second part of our honeymoon was in Jamaica. We had a 6 night stay in this tropical "paradise". I've been to all-inclusive resorts before, and as a vegetarian I don't expect much in the way of variety of food. I was however completely taken aback after looking over the menus for all the resorts restaurants (they had 9) that there wasn't a single mention of chili. At this point, I wanted to go home, but the new wife wasn't pleased with this rational, so I knew I would have to tough it out.
I really didn't see any signs of withdrawal until about 6 days after the wedding. There was some minor irritability, and some random stomach pains. Also, I couldn't get the song Solsbury Hill by Peter Gabriel out of my head. I'm not 100% sure that it was related to the withdrawal symptoms however.
Day 7 saw similar symptoms to the day before, only slightly worse. Often in the middle of swimming in the hotel pool, my stomach would cramp up so bad that I would have to sit on the pool edge and wait for it to subside.
I had trouble sleeping that night, and the entire next day I decided that I would try to counteract the symptoms by self medicating myself with massive amounts of rum. It actually worked great, until I managed to stumble off of the resort property and encounter a wild goat. The goat wasn't very please with me when I tried to pet him, and he kicked me right in the forehead. I was unconscious for about 6 hours, which would prove to be the best sleep I would get for the rest of the trip.
Day 9 or 10 is when the double vision started. It filled my eyes, and there was no disguise for it. My double vision got the best of me.
Day 11 was the final full day before returning home, and would prove to be the last before enjoying a hot bowl of salvation. By this point I was completely paranoid, would have random seizures, and would black out randomly. The only thing that really saved me was my new wife reminding me that we would be home soon, and promising to fire up the crock-pot when we got home.
Since arriving home a few days ago, I've likely eaten my weight in chili and never plan to travel without a back-up supply again.
Take care chili-fiends,
My hearts going boom boom boom!
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