I'll tell you what's wrong with the grilling industry.

Chili Chat Editorial:

We can clone sheep, circumnavigate the globe, digitally send information across the country in seconds, cure polio and walk on the Moon (allegedly)...Yet there is no easy way to grill chili?  It completely baffles my mind. How has something so fundamental and potentially delicious, been ignored by scientists, engineers and food innovators alike.

Spring weather is just around the corner and I know we are all itching to fire up those grills for the first time this season. There have been many fascinating articles recently about proper grilling techniques and procedures, as shown here by friend of Chili Chat, NIck Robagre. But today is opening day for Major League Baseball, one of my favorite days of the year and for the non-baseball-baseball fan, today can mean only one thing, tailgating.  So get ready crack open a cold one and throw your tube steaks, burgers and wings on the grill. I'm here to warn you though, if you throw your chili on the grill, you're going to be very disappointed.

I can't imagine a better way to spend a Thursday afternoon than watching America's past time, drinking America's past time and eating America's past time. The only problem is, when I throw my batch of America's past time on the grill, it just falls through the grate and all over the charcoal, ruining my carefully stoked coals and creating a mass of thick foul smelling smoke.
Is there no solution to this sloppy madness?  I am open to any and all suggestions that will allow me to properly grill ladlefulls chili on a Mini-Webber in the parking lot of a baseball game.

Happy Spring.
Cheers,



Field of Beans: Stuggling Pittsburgh Pirates Replace Infield Dirt With a New Chili Composite.

Of all the hot off season stories in Major League Baseball, from Barry Bonds' perjury trial to Albert Pujols' free agency courting, the one story that has absolutely intrigued me came from the small market of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.

The notoriously crummy Pirates have been a National League punching bag for as long as I can remember. So when I heard they had made some dramatic changes to improve their team this season, like most fans, I was pretty skeptical. It was announced in late February, a few days after pitchers and catchers reported to Spring Training, that the slow infield dirt at PNC Park, would be replaced with a new composite chili covering. This new composite material, made by chili innovators, Chili Co., will make for a much faster and slicker surface than old fashioned dirt. Ned Needler, the Pirates assistant infield coach's intern thinks this will bring much improvement to the team. "This new infield is built for our team. It's greasy, sloppy and an eyesore, it fits us like a glove. We're gonna be eatin' up those short hops all year." said an overly optimistic Needles.

Now, I'm not quite sure how a greasy beef and bean field, that is watered with a sour cream hose. will aid in the fielding or balls or the running of bases. But I guess after spending 20 odd years in the cellar will make a team do just about anything to shake things up. Some of the players seem to be adjusting well to the changes. Pitcher Ross Ohlendorf has added a wicked sink on his fastball, which he attributes to the new Saltine cracker rosin bag. Other players remain skeptical after shortstop Ronny Cedeno slipped on a kidney bean while trying to turn a flashy Latin double play and ruptured his ACL, ending his season before it started. This brings new life to the term "Hot Doggin", which Pirates fan(s) have now dubbed 'Chili Doggin".

Best of luck to the Pittsburgh Pirates as they prepare to take the National League by storm with with a barrage to weird trick plays and tomfoolery, as they step onto the field of beans for the 2011 season.

Cheers,

'Chili Chat Network' Releases Official Trailer. Wow!

Coming fairly soon to CCN.

Stay cool for more updates.

Chili Prices Continue To Soar - Consumers Prepaired to Fight Back.

Chili Chat Investigates:

  The chili industry took yet another blow yesterday, as chili prices closed at an all time high. This marks the third consecutive week that the price per barrel has increased, sending a shockwave of panic though both businesses and consumers. Closing at $165 per barrel, a .12% increase from the previous day's close, the public is beginning to wonder if there is any relief in sight.

Recent disasters in Japan and Myanmar have forced prices through the roof. Bean and chive reserves have been on lockdown due to the uncertainty of the Eastern economy. This has caused a domino effect throughout the rest of the industry. "We just can't keep producing at the same prices we were a few months ago." Lentis Cashmere told Chili Chat. Cashmere is the owner of 35 Fill-N-Chill outlets throughout the Midwest. "I have a hard time explaining to my customers why their favorite pouch of sour cream or their daily thermos fill ups of original firehouse have almost doubled in price. There's really nothing we can do. I'm running a business that tens of millions of people rely on everyday. It's tough and it really seems unfair." said a clearly frustrated Cashmere.

This latest increase has caused a flurry of backlash from angry consumers and frustrated station owners.  Not only have prices to hit the roof, but the quality has suffered as well.  "Yesterday I filled up on my way to work with my usual 3 Bean, only to find out a few miles down the road that it was 2 bean with some noodles thrown in." wrote Beau Panini in a 3 page email to Chili Chat. And this isn't the first time consumers have reached out to Chili Chat looking for support. Over the past 4 months, we have received almost 900 letters from the public, looking for answers or support.

Social network groups have been popping up by the thousands, with titles like "Boycott Chili Day" and "Switch to Soup".  It's apparent that the public is in a tizzy and our wallets are certainly suffering.  We're determined to forge ahead and hope that this too shall pass. Until then, we encourage consumers to spend wisely and if possible chili-pool with friends and co-workers.

In effort to provide relief for our loyal readers, Chili Chat will be raffling off a $500 chili card for any participating Fill-N-Chill station in the greater Midwest region.

Cheers,

Mexico: A Chili Memoir of the High Seas

Greetings, friends.

I am happy to announce that I have safely returned home after a 5 day chili cruise through Mexico. The entire Breadbowl Jones family was in attendance, and came back with more than just a few stories to tell.

It is a bit of a lesser known fact that Chili-Chat has a very strong following in Mexico. Chili-Chat research and development team pointed out a spike in traffic from our friends south of the border, so I decided to head there myself and see what was going on.

I boarded my ship, The Chili Basket, and checked into my room. There were complimentary chili biscuits on each pillow in the room. Off to a good start, I'm thinking.

That's when things went from good to great. I took a stroll around the ship, and check out all of the luxurious chili amenities provided by the staff.

The ship featured a chili lazy river that floated around the circumference of the ship, A 24 hour chili buffet on every deck, and an entire staff of chili massage therapists. I was in hog heaven.




I came equipped with Chili-Chat fliers, and had my siblings Troontis and Mudd help me pass them out, although it seemed most people already knew about Chili-Chat and who I was.

I felt like a celebrity. I had people shouting "Breadbowl, let me get a picture!" or "Breadbowl, whats next for Chili-Chat?!" I took some commemorative photos with a few fans who begged me to put them on the website.





It was very humbling to come face to face with so many gracious fans. I was so touched by their support, that I decided to take the ultimate plunge, and get a Chili-Chat.com tattoo.

The tattoo was turning heads left and right on the cruise, and by the last night I must have seen 4 or 5 people with the same ink done.

There has been a company email sent out that all chili-chat employees must get the same tattoo as Breadbowl.

We wined and dined like royalty, and got up each morning to do it again. A life I could get used to. The trip was not all fun and excitement though. Mudd Reebok had too many chili four lokos one night, and paid the price. He was also kicked out of the discotech for being to greasy.




If our trip to Mexico was a movie, it would land somewhere between Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas and Chilly Dogs. We laughed, we cried, and we ate chili.












There have been reported talks of starting up a Chili-Chat branch in Mexico City and Cozumel. More on that story as it develops.

BREAKING NEWS: 'Chili Tasters Union - Local 454' Files for Decertification.

Sources close to Chili Chat have informed us that our brothers from the Pensachussets, VT chapter of Chili Tasters Union - Local 454, are meeting with union officials today to discuss possible decertification.

This all began a few months ago when officials informed the 454 union that not only were they losing a majority of their tasting benefits at local restaurants, but their spoon and cracker budget was also going to be cut drastically in 2012.  "This is why we have a union, to support our chili tasting brothers when the cards are stacked against them." commented Pruce St. Chooch, the regional VP of the Midwestern unions.

Negotiations will begin this evening at 5:00pm at the River Tap Moose Lodge, on the corner of Crooksie Ave. and 33rd. There is sure to be a pickett line, so go out and show your support to our union brothers.

More as this story develops.

S.S.B.B. (Stand Strong Brothers in Beans)

Elizabeth Taylor (1932-2011) - Movie Star, Chili Lover (Seriously).

This article was just forwarded to me by a very good friend Chili Chat, Amy Neitzel-Hettinger.
If there is a better way to turn a sad story into a happy one, this is it.

Apparently the lovely Elizabeth Taylor had a badass chili fetish.
Check it...

Elizabeth Tayor - Movie Star, Chili Lover

Local Piece of Shit "Accidentally" Rents Chilly Dogs.

"I thought it was a cooking video."

Chili Chat Advertisement on 'Supermoon' a Cosmic Disaster.

Knowing the eyes of the world would be focused towards the cosmos Saturday night, Chili Chat decided to roll the dice. 'Supermoon', the closest and brightest moon to the earth in 18 years seemed like the perfect opportunity for a shameless Chili Chat plug. Unfortunately, when we contacted NASA in early 2009 to begin this project, meteorologist Marty Mullinghammer had not yet released to forecast for March 19, 2011. 

Initially hearing reports for clear skies on Saturday morning, Chili Chat and 400 guests boarded the S.S. Pinto Bean and headed out on beautiful Lake Tichigan for the 10th annual "High Seas Regal Regalia". We figured this would be the perfect opportunity to show our over 350 investors how well their investment was going to pay off. We wined and dined all afternoon, sucking down gallons of chili and washing it down with vintage cans of Magna Carta beer. At 7:00 pm CST, we prepared to unveil our 1.3 million dollar investment, which we were convinced would change the world of advertising forever. With the flashbulbs charging and binoculars in hand, we all stood arm in arm, riddled with anticipation and wondered "Is the world ready for Chili Chat?" 

So we waited, and waited, and waited.  And finally we saw the beautiful, bright orange supermoon coming over the horizon and directly behind the thickly overcast sky,where it would remain for the rest of the night.  Luckily, Lance Crackers brought his slide whistle key-chain and cut the tension with a comically placed blunder sound effect. Most investors immediately jumped ship and headed for the shore, we assume.  A few less daring waited until we returned to the shore, making certain to give us all a nice one fingered wave on the way out.

For the record, We do not regret this decision. We had no way to predict the immense amount of cloud cover that would "spoil" our unveiling. Maybe everyone should be blaming meteorologist Marty Mullinghammer's poor forecast and ugly sweaters. We also will not be taking blame for the outbreak of food poisoning as a result of the tainted shellfish that were served.  People, it's a chili regalia, why we're you eating the shellfish?!  We hope you will continue to enjoy our boring paper and Internet advertisements.

Side note: We are also in the market for a new field of investors.  We have been offered ad space on the dark side of the Moon at a discount rate. This sounds like a no brainer. Our next investment club meeting will be held this Friday, 7:30pm at Thurl's Olde Tymie Inn. Please bring your checkbooks and a dish to pass. 

Cheers,

Local man kicked out of chili parlor for being too greasy

This afternoon, controversey struck in the chili community.

Local teenager, Mudd Reebok, was kicked out of the Midwestern Chili Parlor- for being too greasy.

Reebok has been attending the chili parlor for about 3 years, sampling chilis, providing small talk, and sporting a winning smile. All that changed today.

Chili Parlor manager, Joe Clownfoot, had a chip on his shoulder this afternoon. Someone had parked in his Manager Parking spot, and his day started on a negative note. Clownfoot as doing his rounds in the dining room, making sure everything was going smoothly, when he saw Mudd.

Mudd is a personable young man who's always good for conversation. Mudd did have one small problem; he did not like to shower.

It is unkown whether Mudd is his Christian name, or not.

Clownfoot stormed up to Mudd, and began verbally abusing the young man.

"There's more grease on your head than there is in my kitchen!" shouted Clownfoot. "Get out of here! I won't be serving your kind any more!"

"I have sensative skin! Water hurts!" Mudd retorted.

Mudd was only half way through his Lincoln City Spice chili, when he was shown the door. The terms of Mudd's ejection from the chili parlor are uncertain, but one thing is for certain; he is not a welcomed customer.

Mudd was unavailable for comment, but was reported playing Golden Eye for Nintendo 64 moments after the encounter.

We'll see how this saga plays out. I'm looking for Mudd to take revenge on the chili parlor. Revenge is a dish best served cold.

Lumpy Rutherford: Artist or Hack ?

Art (noun): The quality, production, expression, or realm, according to aesthetic principles, of what is beautiful, appealing, or of more than ordinary significance.

Once known as a low-life, a hack and a vagabond, chili artist Lumpy Rutherford is now being pegged as a visionary, a renaissance man and finally as an artist. In the early 1920’s, just as the “Anti-Art” Dada movement was striking a chord within the European and American art communities, Rutherford’s work was hailed as brilliant by many his peers. Marcel Duchamp once referred to Rutherford as “The most delicious version of Leonardo with a savvy of Francis Picabia.” Very high praise from the man who’s urinal art was rejected from the 1917 Society of Independent Artists show. While Mr. Rutherford’s work remained in obscurity for almost a century, the Pensachusetts Museum of Modern Art’s exhibition, “Yhili Töper - The Mind’s Stomach as Seen Though the Mind’s Eye” has catapulted the late artist into Picasso-esque status.

A vast majority of artists aren’t appreciated during their lifetime, Lumpy Rutherford was no exception. Playing an integral role in one of art’s most obscure movements didn’t help his cause either. Initially, Rutherford tried to conform to the traditional standards and practices of art. He painted with watercolors and sculpted with clay, largely without success. But after a chance meeting with Duchamp in 1919, Rutherford embraced his inner hunger and began using his leftovers as art. “He was a chili man, through and through.” said gallery coordinator Flip Smiley. “I don’t think he necessarily enjoyed it, but it was all he could afford.” added Smiley. Most of his earliest chili works were destroyed in 1920, when his home was invaded by horses. Soon after, he began his most proficient period as an artist. Dubbed “Chili Fingers” by his peers, Rutherford spent most of 1920-1922 hulled up in his 2 flat, tirelessly honing his skill. During that time, he produced nearly 400 paintings and sculptures. His most famous work to date, “Meat Yetti” has only been shown publicly 3 times since his death in 1959. Until now…

Gaggles of art fans have turned out to witness this first unveiling of Lumpy Rutherford’s largely unseen catalogue. “It’s bedlam around here. We’ve been booked for 3 weeks solid!” said Trudy Kitsmilller, manager of the Ramada Inn & Suites in downtown Pensachusetts. Even the museum didn’t plan for this turnout. “We ordered about 5 cases of Fritos and restocked our TAB soda machine, like always, in preparation for a normal sized show. But we never expected people to fall in love with this post modern genius.” Smiley told Chili Chat. In addition to the rabid flocks of art fans pouring through the museum’s doors on a daily basis, many wealthy art collectors have also made their presence known. Local philanthropist, Kirks Nestlerod, reportedly paid $460,000 for Rutherford’s 1922 painting “Chil-leave me alone”.

Art is certainly in the eye of the beholder and this beholder’s eyes see genius, intuition, craft and hunger. It’s a shame that Mr. Rutherford never received the praise he deserved. It only took 90 some odd years for the world to finally celebrate his unique vision. “Yhili Töper - The Mind’s Stomach as Seen Though the Mind’s Eye” will be on display through July at the Pensachusetts Museum of Modern Art. However, the museum will be closed the month of August for a deep cleaning of the walls and floor.

Tickets for “Yhili Töper - The Mind’s Stomach as Seen Though the Mind’s Eye” are now on sale exclusively at www.chili-chat.com.

Cheers.

COMING SOON TO CHILI CHAT...

The Rorschach Test

Let's be honest, there are a lot of wack jobs out there. Just reference Lance Crackers honeymoon. No spice in Utah, excuse me!?!



No worries though, one man had the intellectual capacity and courage to create a tool that helped us distinguish the crazies from the more level headed and chili minded individuals. That one man was Hermann Rorschach; in the early 1920's Hermann was enjoying a delicious bowl of Cincinnati Chili (before beans were commonplace in chili) while attending the matinee of Reefer Madness. Unfortunately, someone startled poor Hermann and he dropped his delicious chili all over the floor. While crowds gathered to see what all the fuss was about one man began interpreting what the spilled chili resembled.




The first shout was "Teddy Roosevelt!".

A second man yelped, "No, not Roosevelt, it looks like my Uncle Yitty Eidlis' deformed foot!"



The cries continued one after another...

"A chili soaked Chaplin!"

"Batman"



And then the real dark shouts began...

"A swimming pool of chili carnage"

"The possum I hit with my car!"

"The remains of my late Nanna Ledbetter after she washed up from the sea"



Hermann was amazed, but more than that, Hermann was a man of science. He started recreating other chili spills, later termed as Chili Blots. Studying individuals perceptions one after another, all the observations were recorded and then analyzed using psychological interpretation and complex scientifically derived algorithms. This all lead to one of the leading books in the field of psychology, Psychodiagnostik Chili... Who's Lost Their Beans?.



Soon these Chili Blots became the most widely used psychological projective tests in the world. People were judged on their sanity, propensity to be a communist, if they were in favor of beans or no beans, and if they had the appropriate affinity towards chili and chili related products. These tests helped determine the fates of many individuals. Essentially, if one failed they were either deported, committed to a mental institution, or landscaping duty. If they passed they moved on to a word of chili greatness.




Here is one example:



When I look at this I see Santa providing us all with gifts of chili for the holidays. Secondarily, I see a five meat chili processed animal rug.

Some common responses are:

• Mother
• The fat clown from ICP (believing in the miracle of chili)
• A tomato based hydrogen bomb

So I ask, what do you see in either of the Chili Blots?

Addicted to chili?

As most of you might have guessed based on my chili themed wedding, that I'm a pretty big fan of chili. So after the wedding, the newly crowned Mrs. Crackers and I headed off to be whisked away into chili filled bliss of a honeymoon.

The problem is, I assumed that no matter where we went, chili would be plentiful, like it is here in the midwest. This however was one of the biggest mistakes I've ever made.

First off, we headed to Utah to do some skiing. I knew that Utah was a pretty conservative state based on the religious influence, but I didn't know how bad it really would prove to be. Outside of the obvious things we all know to be banned in Utah (alcohol advertisements, online poker, trick or treating, birthdays, rap music, and scrabble) I was completely taken aback when I found out that "everything spicy" was banned. We only spent a few days here, so I really didn't have too much trouble not eating chili for that trips duration.

The second part of our honeymoon was in Jamaica. We had a 6 night stay in this tropical "paradise". I've been to all-inclusive resorts before, and as a vegetarian I don't expect much in the way of variety of food. I was however completely taken aback after looking over the menus for all the resorts restaurants (they had 9) that there wasn't a single mention of chili. At this point, I wanted to go home, but the new wife wasn't pleased with this rational, so I knew I would have to tough it out.

I really didn't see any signs of withdrawal until about 6 days after the wedding. There was some minor irritability, and some random stomach pains. Also, I couldn't get the song Solsbury Hill by Peter Gabriel out of my head. I'm not 100% sure that it was related to the withdrawal symptoms however.

Day 7 saw similar symptoms to the day before, only slightly worse. Often in the middle of swimming in the hotel pool, my stomach would cramp up so bad that I would have to sit on the pool edge and wait for it to subside.

I had trouble sleeping that night, and the entire next day I decided that I would try to counteract the symptoms by self medicating myself with massive amounts of rum. It actually worked great, until I managed to stumble off of the resort property and encounter a wild goat. The goat wasn't very please with me when I tried to pet him, and he kicked me right in the forehead. I was unconscious for about 6 hours, which would prove to be the best sleep I would get for the rest of the trip.

Day 9 or 10 is when the double vision started. It filled my eyes, and there was no disguise for it. My double vision got the best of me.

Day 11 was the final full day before returning home, and would prove to be the last before enjoying a hot bowl of salvation. By this point I was completely paranoid, would have random seizures, and would black out randomly. The only thing that really saved me was my new wife reminding me that we would be home soon, and promising to fire up the crock-pot when we got home.

Since arriving home a few days ago, I've likely eaten my weight in chili and never plan to travel without a back-up supply again.

Take care chili-fiends,

Chili Co. Donates 10,000 Chili-Aid Kits to Japan.

In the wake of the tragic earthquake and tsunami in Japan, Chili Co. (the world's leader in chili solution technology) has donated 10,000 of it's best selling "Chili-Aid" kits to assist in the relief efforts in Soma and the surrounding cities.  The kits, which include everything one would need in an such an emergency, will be passed out by the American Red Cross along with blankets, bottled water and dry clothing.  With 90 % of the country's chili reserves wiped out, Chili Chat has also decided to donate 10,000 gallons of Firehouse Chili, that will be delivered via air drop over the city.  We feel blessed that we are able to assist in the relief efforts and encourage you to do what you can to help. Chili Peace Now, For a Brighter Tomorrow.

On a heavier note, I'm sure most people are aware of this heartbreaking tragedy.
Japan was hit by one of the largest earthquakes ever recorded on March 11. The magnitude-9.0 quake spawned a deadly tsunami that slammed into the nation's east coast, leaving a huge path of devastation in its wake. Thousands of people are dead and many more are still missing or injured. It's a difficult concept to grasp without actually seeing the damage first hand.
If you are looking for a way to contribute goods, services, money or even moral support please follow this link to find out how you can help.

Chili Peace,



CSU Gets Snubbed from NCAA Tournament

In their first season as the surprise addition to the Big Ten, Texas based Chili State University shocked the nation and nearly made their first ever appearance in the NCAA Tournament.
"I couldn't be happier for these guys." CSU's president, Gar Plimpt told Chili Chat.

Kern Mantis, the teams leading scorer, was 3rd in the Big Ten in scoring and 5th in assists.
"This has been a huge year for CSU.  We've really opened the eyes of the nation and showed them what Flying Oyster Cracker pride is all about." said Mantis.  Chili U fever is certainly sweeping the nation.  President Obama told CNN that he was shocked when he learned that CSU wouldn't be making the tourney.  "I had them pegged as my underdog, I love those Cinderella stories.  And that Gar Plimpt makes a decadent chili con carne. MIchelle and I ate the leftovers 3 nights in a row back in November."

This is a step in the right direction for small schools who are looking to break into larger markets. This virtually unknown school remained in anonymity until 2009, when they made a splash by defeating longtime rival Vegetarian Chili Tech in a triple overtime thriller in front of nearly 100 fans. Almost a dozen of CSU's die hards, known as "Chili Brains", made the trek all the way from Texas to watch their team nearly defeat out of conference powerhouse University of Sour Cream Technical Institue - West Vestonia Campus. That heartbreaking loss cut CSU's chances of making the Big Dance. They will now play in consolation bracket 'F'. Their first game will be against the loser of the Memorex DVD / CD-R play-in game between Sourdough Online University and Shredded Cheddar Community College.

We're so proud of you Chili State University!

Innovation, Functionality, Decadence: Chili-Pak (From Chili Co.)

Chili Co., the world's leader in chili innovation solutions, proudly announces the latest addition to it's chili lifestyles line.

Behold, the Chili Co. Chili-Pak.

Innovation:     The first of it's kind ... period.

Functionality:  Expandable pockets - Make condiment storage easy and efficient.

                        Adjustable counter weighted straps - Make any load feel light as a feather.

                        Seep-proof liner - Holds everything from chunky to runny with style and grace.

                        MP3 compatibility - Cue your eating habits with your favorite jams.

                        Travelworthy - Exceeds FAA carry-on regulations.  No more boring, lifeless 

                                                in-flight meals. 

Decadence:    Holds 13 delectable varieties including:

                    

                        TEXAS CHUNK

                        CINCINNATI

                        SPICY ROADHOUSE

                        VERDE

                        5 ALARM FIREHOUSE

                        4 ALARM FIREHOUSE

                        CHUNKERO

                        DYNAMITE HOT
                        FIESTA GRILL 

                        RANCH HOUSE

                        TURKEY RANCHERO 

                        RIO BLANCO 

                        VEGETABLE GARDEN

Available in 6 varieties:

2.5 Gallon Travel Buddy Chili-Pak: $79.99

5 Gallon Chili-Pak: $99.99

7.5 Gallon Chili-Pak: $129.99

10 Gallon Chili-Pak: $149.00

10 Gallon Eddie Bauer Deluxe Chili-Pak: $199.99

15 Gallon Excursion Chili-Pak: $249.99

Pre-orders available now only through www.chili-chat.com.

Wedded in Chili Bliss.

February 26, 2011 was a very, very special day for Chili Chat.  If there is anything that could overshadow "National Chili Day", it's the wedding of Chili Chat's own, Lance Crackers to the beautiful Jamie Rominski (now Jamie Rominski-Crackers).  Luckily I had my camera on hand and was able to capture the moment.  But for some odd reason my photos turned out a bit different than everyone else's.  Allow me to explain:

Lance decides his pre-wedding chili was just too damn hot. In an effort to chill his chili, he decided to hang halfway out of the 26th floor.  Luckily I picked up my banana peel from the windowsill just before this photo was taken.

They began their ceremony with a heartwarming blessing of the ceremonial chili bowl.

Followed by the lighting of the unity crackers. 

We all raised our chili filled glasses and toasted to bright futures and a lifetime of healthy chili. 

They danced the night away under the spotlight of the chili coated dance floor. Lance, per tradition, must dip his blushing bride on a floor a chili before the evening's festivities can officially begin.  

Some poor schlub accidentally broke the chili disco ball, shattering it all over the dance floor and more importantly,
the groom's noggin. Luckily there were no serious injuries. The coordinators brought out french bread footies for everyone to wear and the delicious mess was cleaned up in no time!

Jamie was so happy when she realized she was the new Mrs. Lance Crackers, she couldn't help but shed a single chili tear of joy. 

My favorite part of the night?
The tiny-ass chili bowl appetizers! 













I hearby award this wedding the coveted Chili Chat "5 Oyster Cracker Rating".

If the pictures don't do it justice, I must say, this was far and away the best chili themed wedding I have ever attended. Here's to a lifetime of love, happiness and delicious chili for two of my favorite people...
The new Mr. and Mrs. Lance Crackers!
Love,